Looking Forward

Every autumn my husband plants more flower bulbs purely for our pleasure the following spring.

"Maintaining hope in the face of long-term ambiguity requires ceaseless effort."

~ Pauline Boss in her book Ambiguous Loss

I recently finished reading a library copy Dr. Boss' book after seeing an article in the Washington Post about grieving relationships broken by the pandemic and politics. Ambiguous Loss. It is such an interesting term to describe our past year's experiences. And, ceaseless effort sums up my feelings exactly. We have no idea when or if things will be "normal" again. Surprisingly, it can take a lot of effort to just be in the moment.

After all this efforting over the past year, it feels like one step forward and two steps back. At the beginning of March, it was getting easier to be hopeful. COVID cases were down and vaccines were up.  However, over the last couple of weeks the cases are spiking once again and it's worrisome to me. Perhaps when our family is fully vaccinated I will feel a bit more relaxed.

Most of us look forward to venturing out slowly and cautiously. We look forward to so many things we did with ease in the past. Sometime last year, I am not sure exactly when, I started a "Post COVID Bucket List". It's organized under headings: "Household" for home improvements that require a contractor, "Entertaining" for when we can have people over again, "Outings" for points of interest within an day's round trip drive and "Travel" for anything further. I have reminders not to miss the peonies at the Arboretum (if they are open to the public this year), to attend a summer concert and to visit certain places before Christmas.

We hope to do all of these things again, with a greater appreciation for the privelege. We really hope to travel again, first in our home state of Michigan and eventually further afield. Big dreams of traveling internationally again lie still in the back of my mind. The other day my husband played George Gershwin's "Rapsody in Blue" on the piano and I nearly cried, remembering the old United Airlines ads. Did United Airlines used to play that upon departure, or am I imagining some romatisized version of air travel? This former traveler hasn't been on an airplane since August 2019.

While we wait and look forward to big dreams that didn't used to seem so big, there are a few things I am doing to make the best of it and be in the moment with a little less effort. On good days I am taking really good care of myself, so I can be patient with my family now and rejoice when the future allows more freedom. On bad days, I remind myself to double down on the routines and practices that feed my soul.

Here's to more good days and simple pleasures! Do tell me how you are doing, really. Your comments and replies are so appreciated.

All my best,

Carolyn